i am trans
trans i am
that trans i am that trans I am
would you like to be a man?
i would not like to be a man.
i would not like it trans i am.
would you like it here
or
there?
I would not like it here or there.
the struggle of the not sam i am character in the classic, green eggs an ham is speaking to me and inspired the blog name. for one, it's a killer blog name. but also, in the original, this character refuses something based solely on how they perceive it. Staunchly opposing it until they no longer can. They are backed into a corner with nowhere else to go to get away from sam I am.
this is where I am, with my own green eggs and ham (geah). Only for me, it's not geah, it's gender identity. am I butch or am I trans. what is the depth of my trans-ness?
Trans. I have long opposed it. I've put it in a box, with a fox, on a train, in the rain...and all along I have tried to oppose it. I can't be that. I can't be Trans. That's freakish. That's not what I have driven myself to be all these years, running like a fox camouflaged by my surroundings, both hunter and hunted. Like the classic character from Dr. Suess, though, I eventually stopped running and really gave it my teeth to see if it was as bad as I thought it was.
the results were similar, without the celebration.
Yes. I am trans.
Yes, part of me would like to be a man...or at least not a woman.
Here and there and everywhere.
But it's not that easy.
it's not a cold, old plate of green food that tastes remarkably delicious. it's a life. And it's not just my life, either. I am a parent. I am a spouse. I work. I support a family. I am 41, and I am just coming out as trans. (wait, or am I coming out as trans? Who is allowed to know and who isn't? Maybe I am not totally out as trans.)
What would my trans-ness mean?
stay tuned. i don't even know.
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