He

I was at a support group meeting a few weeks ago and decided that I would say my pronouns were masculine. I was just trying to experiment. I was surprised by how empowering it was to hear people call me "he" and "him."  Have you thought about your pronouns lately? What if someone called you by something that didn't fit? Sometimes this happens by accident, or because they don't know how you identify. Sometimes it's an act of aggression, bullying.

Most of the time, outside of my support group I'm a "she," but that has stopped feeling right to me. Like when I decided to change my name, hearing "she" feels jarring...wrong, as wrong as my old name used to feel, and still feels when I hear it.  It's a knee jerk..."not me" feeling. Even though "she" stopped feeling right, I didn't know until I heard someone say "he" and "him" what did feel right. It feels just, congruous.

a :  being in agreement, harmony, or correspondence

b :  conforming to the circumstances or requirements of a situation : appropriate <a congruous room to work in — G. B. Shaw>

2

:  marked or enhanced by harmonious agreement among constituent elements <a congruous theme>

— con·gru·ous·ly adverb

— con·gru·ous·ness noun

It's not Mother's Day for everyone

There have been tons of emails and advertisements for the past 2 or 3 weeks about mothers days. It's fascinating to me how many ads, reminders, sales, etc,

If you have a mom, a mom that you love, do you need this volume of reminders?

I don't have a mom that I love. I don't have a mom who loves me, either. I have a toxic person who abused her kids for years. Then her husband left her, and we were responsible for helping her hold it together.  We did this for years, but then she broke me again. She broke us all. And I left for good.

Those words.
I
Left
For
Good.

It means forever...but also for good. For my own good.

It's hard seeing people enjoying Mother's Day with their mothers, but not because I want one. I don't. but I don't know how others can have a good mom. I mean, I know it's possible, because my wife has a great mom.  Man my wife is a great mom, too. I know a lot of great moms, actually.

But I still have this hang up regarding adult moms.

Still, happy Mother's Day.
If applicable.

Boy at birth

If we are lucky, we have stories about ourselves as kids. I didn't have a wonderful childhood, but I did not have the worst. I, at least, had parents who needed to think that we were a normal family and that's why I know the story I am going to share.

I was a surprise baby: conceived while my mother had an IUD in, and born just 14 short months after my brother was born.
Yeah...you can do the math. I was not planned.

But, my mother had so recently had a baby, that my birth was fast. I was before the age of ultrasounds, when all sexing of kids happened at the birth. When the doctor held me up to my mother, my umbilical cord was hanging between my lags, and my mother, who is nearsighted, had her glasses off. She exclaimed, "Oh, another boy!" The dr quickly corrected her but this story sticks with me. Through my life, I would present as a boy, sometimes to my pleasure, sometimes to my shame. I think it's funny that one of the main shame-bringers for my presentation was the first person to see it.

"oh! Another Boy!"
"Sorry Ma'am. It's a girl."